Winning is Overrated
Dear Little Man,
Good evening. Your life will be filled with competitions, and at times you will win, and at times you will lose, and if you are anything like your mom, you will really, really hate losing. Sometimes winning will make you feel like king of the world, and sometimes losing will make you want to take a baseball bat to the nearest vehicle. I am here to tell you to take it easy and try to stay level headed, because I have a revelation for you: Winning is Overrated.
Whenever you are faced with different competitions and challenges, winning may seem like the only possible outcome that will let you walk away with your head up. But in most situations, whether or not we win is often out of our control. This is quite frustrating, and a lesson you are teaching me every day. I can battle you all night long, but if you decide it's gonna be one of those nights where your little stubborn ass wants to cry in my face whether I dance around, give you every snack in our kitchen, turn on kiddie TV shows, or simply sit you on the ground and leave you alone, then there is nothing I can do about it. On those nights I lose no matter what. So now I am forced to call Winning Overrated, and try to make a life lesson out of this realization.
Consider that you can work you butt off, and have your own training montage to as many Kenny Loggins songs as you would like during the football offseason. You can even have a great regular season and make it to the final seconds of the championship game, down by 1 point, and have a chance to win it all. You may throw the perfect spiral right into your wide receiver's hands as he runs into the endzone for the game winning touchdown, but if he drops the ball like a clumsy idiot, or a defender makes a crazy play to knock the ball away, then you lose.
Also consider that you can be a slacker who sits around eating potato chips and twinkies all summer while binging on Netflix, and that football you throw in the championship game may be a wobbly piece of garbage, but if your receiver happens to be a wide receiver who can catch the ball like OJ Simpson gets caught committing crimes, you may still win.
Many of your heroes throughout your life will be winners, as they should be. Everybody loves a winner. In fact, even if everybody hates someone, winning can fix it all.
A football player named Mike Vick got caught running a dog fighting ring, went to jail, lost all of his money, and was basically the most hated man in America for a while. He was doomed to never play football again. Then, he got out of prison and signed with a new team. People protested and berated him and the team at first, but then he started winning. His jersey became one of the highest selling in the country. The narrative went from spoiled athlete with too many second chances, to a wonderful story of redemption and forgiveness. It is a nice story, but if Mike Vick made it back to a team and lost game after game, I would bet you your college fund that Mama Vick would have been the only fan who forgave him.
There are countless stories of great athletes in all sports who are considered pretty good, but not a greatest of all time, because they didn't win enough (Go ahead and Google: Dan Marino, Ken Griffey Jr., The 90's Utah Jazz, The 90's Buffalo Bills). On the flip side, there are some athletes who are considered all-time great because they won it all, but may have been more lucky than good (Now try Googling: Jerome Bettis, Tom Brady, or even Derek Jeter, sorry Yankees fans).
This does not only apply to sports. When anybody wins in life, we have a tendency to give them the wrong amount of credit. If you study your butt off, but only pull a "C" on your Math final, you may be disappointed. If you slack all year and walk into the final and pull an "A" by a fluke, everyone else may be more impressed, but you will feel even more disapp-........who am I kidding, you will feel more relieved than I do when speeding past that old barn outside of town and realize there isn't a police car sitting behind it. Getting the "A" is not bad, but I would bet your college fund that the sense of accomplishment you get from working for that "C" feels better than lucking into the "A" (sorry about betting the college fund, but if I win that thing back I can retire early).
As the Dad of a young you, I see you learning and growing every day. If I thought in terms of wins and losses, then I would miss a lot. I would not consider it a win when you destroy the living room and I come in and slip on that darn little basketball, but it is still pretty cool when I noticed that you had just rolled it across the room towards the hoop. I also would be tempted to consider it a win when you go to bed at 6 PM and I get to finally catch up on my favorite TV shows, but that makes for a pretty boring night.
Just to be clear, I am not supporting those silly "Certificates of Participation", or competitions where "Everyone is a winner!". There are winners and losers in every competition. Winning on one those old claw machines where you play until you get candy, or getting a certificate for participating in checking out books from the library at school, are not noteworthy achievements. Activities like these will not be celebrated. There are times in life when you will lose, and you have to learn from losses, the same as you still need to learn from wins. Everyone loses at some points in their life. Losses need to be acknowledged, not ignored to "protect" feelings.
After high school, I tried out for, and did not make it, on several different baseball teams. I tried out anyway, despite the fact that my high school coach, high school teammates, some opponents, that drunk guy who gave me pitching lessons, and yes, even your mom, told me that I was not going to pitch on teams after high school. I can't pretend that I won a spot on another team, or pat myself on the back for giving some lucky batters some great batting practice. I did not get a scholarship to a college anyway, just for giving a great effort. The guy(s) who hit my pitch(es) into a different zip code won. I lost. It sucks. I could not control that other guys are better at baseball, or that the batters I faced were probably (hopefully?) hitting balls farther than they ever had.
Even so, with all of this newfound ability to reflect you are giving me, today I am now able to look back on times like these, and I realize that I never have to wonder what would had happened had I not tried. Believe it or not, I have lost many times at many things (And no, this is not the reason I am calling Winning Overrated). However, I also never have to wonder what would have happened if I hadn't tried at all, or if I had tried harder. In every tryout, I trained as hard as I could, and I left with my tank on empty, but it wasn't enough to win. If I had my choice, obviously I would rather have won a spot on a team (any team). Unfortunately, it turns out a slow throwing right handed pitcher with no curve ball is not desirable at the collegiate, or semi-pro, level, so I lost.
I am not advocating that you do not always strive to succeed at everything. On the contrary, I am suggesting that you take a look at what it means to succeed. If you get in the habit of only considering wins a success, then you are not in total control of your success. If you rely on winning to feel a sense of accomplishment, then a couple of untimely losses could kill your misplaced motivation. It is the grind, experience, and adversity that you will have as an individual, and on teams, that make any competition or struggle worth doing, win or lose.
So, once again, here is a lesson you taught me, that I am passing on to you. Don't be afraid to take a loss, and don't rely on wins, because they are overrated anyway.
Thanks for Reading.
Love,
Dad
P.S.: Calling winning overrated will also make it much easier to be a fan of our favorite teams, but more on that in another letter.
Good evening. Your life will be filled with competitions, and at times you will win, and at times you will lose, and if you are anything like your mom, you will really, really hate losing. Sometimes winning will make you feel like king of the world, and sometimes losing will make you want to take a baseball bat to the nearest vehicle. I am here to tell you to take it easy and try to stay level headed, because I have a revelation for you: Winning is Overrated.
Whenever you are faced with different competitions and challenges, winning may seem like the only possible outcome that will let you walk away with your head up. But in most situations, whether or not we win is often out of our control. This is quite frustrating, and a lesson you are teaching me every day. I can battle you all night long, but if you decide it's gonna be one of those nights where your little stubborn ass wants to cry in my face whether I dance around, give you every snack in our kitchen, turn on kiddie TV shows, or simply sit you on the ground and leave you alone, then there is nothing I can do about it. On those nights I lose no matter what. So now I am forced to call Winning Overrated, and try to make a life lesson out of this realization.Consider that you can work you butt off, and have your own training montage to as many Kenny Loggins songs as you would like during the football offseason. You can even have a great regular season and make it to the final seconds of the championship game, down by 1 point, and have a chance to win it all. You may throw the perfect spiral right into your wide receiver's hands as he runs into the endzone for the game winning touchdown, but if he drops the ball like a clumsy idiot, or a defender makes a crazy play to knock the ball away, then you lose.
Also consider that you can be a slacker who sits around eating potato chips and twinkies all summer while binging on Netflix, and that football you throw in the championship game may be a wobbly piece of garbage, but if your receiver happens to be a wide receiver who can catch the ball like OJ Simpson gets caught committing crimes, you may still win.
Many of your heroes throughout your life will be winners, as they should be. Everybody loves a winner. In fact, even if everybody hates someone, winning can fix it all.
A football player named Mike Vick got caught running a dog fighting ring, went to jail, lost all of his money, and was basically the most hated man in America for a while. He was doomed to never play football again. Then, he got out of prison and signed with a new team. People protested and berated him and the team at first, but then he started winning. His jersey became one of the highest selling in the country. The narrative went from spoiled athlete with too many second chances, to a wonderful story of redemption and forgiveness. It is a nice story, but if Mike Vick made it back to a team and lost game after game, I would bet you your college fund that Mama Vick would have been the only fan who forgave him.
There are countless stories of great athletes in all sports who are considered pretty good, but not a greatest of all time, because they didn't win enough (Go ahead and Google: Dan Marino, Ken Griffey Jr., The 90's Utah Jazz, The 90's Buffalo Bills). On the flip side, there are some athletes who are considered all-time great because they won it all, but may have been more lucky than good (Now try Googling: Jerome Bettis, Tom Brady, or even Derek Jeter, sorry Yankees fans).
This does not only apply to sports. When anybody wins in life, we have a tendency to give them the wrong amount of credit. If you study your butt off, but only pull a "C" on your Math final, you may be disappointed. If you slack all year and walk into the final and pull an "A" by a fluke, everyone else may be more impressed, but you will feel even more disapp-........who am I kidding, you will feel more relieved than I do when speeding past that old barn outside of town and realize there isn't a police car sitting behind it. Getting the "A" is not bad, but I would bet your college fund that the sense of accomplishment you get from working for that "C" feels better than lucking into the "A" (sorry about betting the college fund, but if I win that thing back I can retire early).
As the Dad of a young you, I see you learning and growing every day. If I thought in terms of wins and losses, then I would miss a lot. I would not consider it a win when you destroy the living room and I come in and slip on that darn little basketball, but it is still pretty cool when I noticed that you had just rolled it across the room towards the hoop. I also would be tempted to consider it a win when you go to bed at 6 PM and I get to finally catch up on my favorite TV shows, but that makes for a pretty boring night.
Just to be clear, I am not supporting those silly "Certificates of Participation", or competitions where "Everyone is a winner!". There are winners and losers in every competition. Winning on one those old claw machines where you play until you get candy, or getting a certificate for participating in checking out books from the library at school, are not noteworthy achievements. Activities like these will not be celebrated. There are times in life when you will lose, and you have to learn from losses, the same as you still need to learn from wins. Everyone loses at some points in their life. Losses need to be acknowledged, not ignored to "protect" feelings.
After high school, I tried out for, and did not make it, on several different baseball teams. I tried out anyway, despite the fact that my high school coach, high school teammates, some opponents, that drunk guy who gave me pitching lessons, and yes, even your mom, told me that I was not going to pitch on teams after high school. I can't pretend that I won a spot on another team, or pat myself on the back for giving some lucky batters some great batting practice. I did not get a scholarship to a college anyway, just for giving a great effort. The guy(s) who hit my pitch(es) into a different zip code won. I lost. It sucks. I could not control that other guys are better at baseball, or that the batters I faced were probably (hopefully?) hitting balls farther than they ever had.
Even so, with all of this newfound ability to reflect you are giving me, today I am now able to look back on times like these, and I realize that I never have to wonder what would had happened had I not tried. Believe it or not, I have lost many times at many things (And no, this is not the reason I am calling Winning Overrated). However, I also never have to wonder what would have happened if I hadn't tried at all, or if I had tried harder. In every tryout, I trained as hard as I could, and I left with my tank on empty, but it wasn't enough to win. If I had my choice, obviously I would rather have won a spot on a team (any team). Unfortunately, it turns out a slow throwing right handed pitcher with no curve ball is not desirable at the collegiate, or semi-pro, level, so I lost.
I am not advocating that you do not always strive to succeed at everything. On the contrary, I am suggesting that you take a look at what it means to succeed. If you get in the habit of only considering wins a success, then you are not in total control of your success. If you rely on winning to feel a sense of accomplishment, then a couple of untimely losses could kill your misplaced motivation. It is the grind, experience, and adversity that you will have as an individual, and on teams, that make any competition or struggle worth doing, win or lose.
So, once again, here is a lesson you taught me, that I am passing on to you. Don't be afraid to take a loss, and don't rely on wins, because they are overrated anyway.
Thanks for Reading.
Love,
Dad
P.S.: Calling winning overrated will also make it much easier to be a fan of our favorite teams, but more on that in another letter.
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