The Day Maggie Lent Me Her Ear(s)
Dear M&M,
I have often wondered if I will be the type of parent who will push you to do things, or hang back and let you decide. I am not overly passionate about one of parenting over the other, as everyone has their own style. I could see myself being the Dad who drags you on a roller coaster if you try to panic at the last minute, but I could also see myself letting you bow out of an All-You-Can-Eat-Wings-Contest if you attack it too hard at first and get a stomach ache. This past weekend, I found out a little about me, and a little about you, when I elected to get Maggie's ears pierced.
We waited in line for what felt like an hour at Claire's in the mall, while I wrestled Marshall (Dude, you are getting way too heavy to hold by the way). We filled out some forms, picked out the earrings we thought would look the best, and then watched 3 people get their ears pierced without flinching. Just when I thought we were in the clear, a little girl went up and jumped when her ear got punched. My stomach began to turn, sweat started pouring out, and I was just about to say my decision is final to call this whole thing off, when Maggie was called next. Your Mom turned to me, switched you kiddos out like batteries in a remote, she ducked to the back of the store, and suddenly I was headed to the front.
I began by asking the lady working there if she had ever pierced a baby's ears, and she assured me that she had done several. She made me take a seat with poor little Maggie in my arms, and then showed me how to position my arms in order to form some sort of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu headlock that kept you from moving. This immediately caused you to lose your temper, and you skipped all warning cries and went straight to the "May-day, may-day, I am now super pissed and will be trying to shatter every eardrum within a 25 mile radius" cry.
It also appeared that the store in the mall made an announcement that "All patrons should report to the Claire's in order to see this man torture his daughter immediately", because a crowd of 50+ people appeared out of nowhere to stair as I climbed into the stool. I had to shoo away a little boy who walked right up into our business as I tightened my Cobra-Clutch.
The lady who worked there was very gentle, and quickly marked each ear with a pen, which sent you into overdrive, and let all of the on-lookers know to gather a little closer and send any small children up to the front of the crowd. She then proved that she had done this before, because in between the yells, she slipped the gun on and punched the earring in before you knew what hit you (mostly).
Your Mom then grabbed Maggie, and gave me Marshall and left me to pay. I accidentally busted someone out who was going to bash us as parents when they saw your Mom leave, only to realize that I was the Dad who had done the headlock. Catching someone talking down on you is always awkward, but this was more awkward than that time I showed up to a "casual" meeting at work in a suit.
I don't plan on being a Dad who pushes you to do things you don't like, but at the same time I know that you will have some really stupid reasons for doing things (my friends do it, I was bored for 2 seconds, etc.). Therefore, it will be up to me to give you a swift kick in the ass from time to time, and that is what happened here. I truly believe getting those gorgeous little ears pierced hurt me more than it hurt you, but ultimately I hope you understand why I did it:
I have often wondered if I will be the type of parent who will push you to do things, or hang back and let you decide. I am not overly passionate about one of parenting over the other, as everyone has their own style. I could see myself being the Dad who drags you on a roller coaster if you try to panic at the last minute, but I could also see myself letting you bow out of an All-You-Can-Eat-Wings-Contest if you attack it too hard at first and get a stomach ache. This past weekend, I found out a little about me, and a little about you, when I elected to get Maggie's ears pierced.
We waited in line for what felt like an hour at Claire's in the mall, while I wrestled Marshall (Dude, you are getting way too heavy to hold by the way). We filled out some forms, picked out the earrings we thought would look the best, and then watched 3 people get their ears pierced without flinching. Just when I thought we were in the clear, a little girl went up and jumped when her ear got punched. My stomach began to turn, sweat started pouring out, and I was just about to say my decision is final to call this whole thing off, when Maggie was called next. Your Mom turned to me, switched you kiddos out like batteries in a remote, she ducked to the back of the store, and suddenly I was headed to the front.
I began by asking the lady working there if she had ever pierced a baby's ears, and she assured me that she had done several. She made me take a seat with poor little Maggie in my arms, and then showed me how to position my arms in order to form some sort of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu headlock that kept you from moving. This immediately caused you to lose your temper, and you skipped all warning cries and went straight to the "May-day, may-day, I am now super pissed and will be trying to shatter every eardrum within a 25 mile radius" cry.
It also appeared that the store in the mall made an announcement that "All patrons should report to the Claire's in order to see this man torture his daughter immediately", because a crowd of 50+ people appeared out of nowhere to stair as I climbed into the stool. I had to shoo away a little boy who walked right up into our business as I tightened my Cobra-Clutch.
The lady who worked there was very gentle, and quickly marked each ear with a pen, which sent you into overdrive, and let all of the on-lookers know to gather a little closer and send any small children up to the front of the crowd. She then proved that she had done this before, because in between the yells, she slipped the gun on and punched the earring in before you knew what hit you (mostly).
I don't plan on being a Dad who pushes you to do things you don't like, but at the same time I know that you will have some really stupid reasons for doing things (my friends do it, I was bored for 2 seconds, etc.). Therefore, it will be up to me to give you a swift kick in the ass from time to time, and that is what happened here. I truly believe getting those gorgeous little ears pierced hurt me more than it hurt you, but ultimately I hope you understand why I did it:
1. It was sure to look really pretty (just kidding, but seriously it does)
2. If you like earrings when you are older, then you have them and don't have to be scared of getting pierced. If you don't like them (and you better after what I went through), you can just take them out.
3. You wouldn't remember it anyway
So to sum it up, as I write this today, I am glad it is over with. You seem to have moved on from it pretty well too. There will come times when your Mom and I will have to make decisions that we think are best for you, even if others, and even you, disagree. I hope getting your ears pierced is the guiltiest I feel as a parent, so cut me some slack. And besides, Marshall got circumsized, so back off.
(Also, sorry Marshall. Read the same letter above, but switch out pierce with cut, and ears with....nevermind).
Thanks for reading, and sorry to you both,
Love,
Dad
2. If you like earrings when you are older, then you have them and don't have to be scared of getting pierced. If you don't like them (and you better after what I went through), you can just take them out.
3. You wouldn't remember it anyway
(Also, sorry Marshall. Read the same letter above, but switch out pierce with cut, and ears with....nevermind).
Thanks for reading, and sorry to you both,
Love,
Dad
Comments
Post a Comment