Let Em' Cry

Dear M&M,

  So far, we basically only have a couple of ways to communicate. When you are really happy, or tickled, or both, then you will put on the biggest smiles and laugh. When you are pooping, you grunt, squint, purse your lips, and stop whatever you were just doing. The most effective way you convey your message is, to cry. This can get me moving at speeds previously unrealized, because I have to make it stop. Sometimes, though, I do like it when you cry. (Sorry)

  People always say to me and your Mom, "It doesn't bother me if they cry. You don't have to leave." This is a nice sentiment, but not one that we share. I cannot stand having the kid who is crying in the restaurant, church, or even someone else's home. It stresses me out. It causes me to pace. It causes me to start packing or cleaning, or speed eating, so I can get out of there. In fact, we went to church last week, and I held Marshall around the waste, facing out, in front of me, just to keep you from crying. You headbutted me, and heel-kicked me in the gonads repeatedly, but I just gritted my teeth and took the hits, because it kept you from crying. By the end of it, my eyes were watering, and I will walk with a limp for a couple days, but it was worth it.

  Besides the stress, it also breaks my heart into a million pieces when you guys cry. I promise it does, so don't hate me too much as a Dad, when I say that lately I have noticed that crying can also feel like the greatest compliment. I noticed it a couple weeks ago when it was my turn to drop you both off at your Mawmaw's house. 

  First, Maggie woke up and I changed and fed you. I sat you in your Bumpo seat, and had you facing in the kitchen. This was fine, until I left the kitchen, and you were staring into an empty room. Naturally, you began to cry, which is more of a scream for you. Maggie has no "warning cries", and doesn't ease into a fit, at all. It goes from 0-100 MPH on the pissed-off scale, in record time. However, when I came back into the kitchen calling your name, the crying stopped. I turned you around, you watched me get ready, and all was good.

  Second, I took you both to your destination, and as I tried to leave, Marshall began to cry and say my name. Leaving after that happened made me physically ill, and cost me a day of production at work, because all I could do was look at pictures of you smiling to try and get the morning out of my head, until I could get home and watch you both actually smile when I came in. It is true that the guilt of leaving you guys never goes away, on any day. I must admit though, your reaction to me leaving is beyond flattering. (Apparently you have been doing this to your Mom for weeks, but whatever, let me have this).

  I have never met any other person in the world, much less 2 people, who gets so upset just at the prospect of me leaving. It is really pretty awesome. I am like the ultimate rock star to you guys, and you just want one more song, always. You are like the autograph seekers, and I am the star baseball player who just can't get away from the stands because you won't stop crying and yelling. I am like a motivational speaker, and you are the 2 people in the front row of the stands soaking it all up, so I keep walking off stage, and walking back on, just to keep hearing the cheers. You are both literally so mad, when I am out of eye sight, that it sends you into a rage.

  I do a pretty good amount of public speaking in my lines of work, and a secret I learned a long time ago is that you should practice your speeches with 10 times the enthusiasm you would normally use, and then when you actually give the speech, it will end up somewhere in the middle. You two are like me, when I am practicing and over-emphasizing and screaming, except you do it all the time. Your laughs are from the belly. Your smiles take up your whole face. So it is only natural that your cries are ear-shattering screams while your bodies stiffen and kick in anger. Just as I love your unabashed happiness, the passion behind your crying just means that much more.

  I know the day is not far off when I will drop you off, and there will be no crying, or even acknowledgement that I am there. I definitely won't miss you guys crying, ever. I hope this letter doesn't make you think I just leave the house all the time, because I am some kind of attention-needing diva. Most of the time, I distract you into one room, and sneak out another, if I have to leave. If you do catch me, however, I do sometimes stand on the outside of the door, and manage a slight grin, because that crying lets me and everyone know  (but your Mom's to deal with). Besides, it's not like you kids ever cry if you don't mean it.........

Thanks for the compliments, and thanks for reading.

Love,
Dad