Don't Shoot the Messenger

Dear M & M,

They say girls shouldn't be tough

And moms should raise their kids at home

But baby, I know that that isn't true

Cause your momma's the toughest person I know

I wanna raise you to be like her

And watch you show the world how to do it on your own

  These lyrics are from the song "Growing Up", where Macklemore raps about how nervous he is to become a Dad to a daughter. It is a funny, true, and incredibly honest track that sums what becoming a Dad was really like for me. It also helped me realize the messages that I am sending to both of you.

   It is an amazing thing, being your Dad. I have to admit, when I was a little boy growing up, I always dreamed about being a Dad and having a little boy to play with. It is easy for me to be a Dad to a boy, because I will probably always be one at heart. I never really thought about having a daughter, and I still have not figured out what the hell I am doing. What I do know, is having a daughter is changing me more and more every day.

  To begin with, I am not some ultra-progressive parent who does everything right. I am not politically correct, and will often poke fun at anyone, or anything, in the name of a laugh. I do not want this letter to make it seem like I have this all figured out, and know exactly how to define (or not define) gender roles. However, I do realize that I am like an episode of The Walking Dead to you guys. You can't stop watching me.

  I love spending every minute I can with you. I also love my career. I love the pressure of it, the camaraderie with the people I work with, the responsibility, and yes, the money. A long time ago, I set the goal that I wanted to one day make enough money that your Mom wouldn't have to work. I believe that if we gave up a few items (cars, new clothes, cable TV, high speed internet) and started eating Ramen noodles every night, that this goal could become a reality today. The only problem with this goal: when I just described a bunch of things I love, I also described things your Mom loves. She loves you guys, and has a career, and wants it all. In fact, we are ultra competitive, so she also wants to be the most successful person in our household. 

  I have the utmost respect to all of those single Moms (and Dads) out there who have to work extra hard to serve both roles and keep the lights on. I also have the utmost respect to those Moms (and Dads) who stay home every day with their children. These are all very difficult jobs to do, and I don't know how they do it. Your Mom is not any of these, but she is who she is by choice. I also have the utmost respect for her. She is a role model of mine, and with the exception of your teenage years, she will be yours too.

  Studies show that a lot of crazy things happen when kids' Moms work. Daughters have more success with their careers, and sons are more likely to help with housework. I had never really thought about these things before, until somebody (your Mom) pointed them out to me. Everyone in our household cleans. It is not because I have some master plan (or just because if we don't help your Mom will start kicking asses). It is because in our house, if you live there, you clean it. Everyone in our household likes sports. And hot wings. We all have "lazy days". We all have "nights out".

  The other day I was scrubbing the floor, and Marshall grabbed a rag and joined me. The other day I was watching a video of soldiers coming home, and I shed a tear because having kids has turned me into a total sap (more on that later). You got upset too. Yesterday, I took a stroller apart with a screwdriver and wrenches, and you grabbed your little tool box set and started "helping" me (you lost 3 screws that I still can't find). I also yelled, and Maggie yelled too. A few days ago, I stubbed my toe and yelled "Oh Shit!!", to which Marshall quickly followed with "Oh....", and your Mom and I sat in suspense waiting to see if you would drop the 2nd word, like watching a basketball go around and around the rim, waiting for it to go in (you never did, this time). Every single thing I do, you guys are watching.

  There are so many questions I have: Will I screw this all up? It is possible. Will I always show you the right things? No, not even close. In fact, I would say 70% of the time, do the opposite of what I do. Will I show you how to throw a spiral? Yes, to both of you. Will I show you how to cook? Not really, because I don't know how. But if I did, I would teach you both. Finally, will I show you how much I love you and your Mom? Yes, probably too much. Sorry.

  Honestly, the last question is the only one that really matters. With that love comes respect. I don't care if you are both cheerleaders (seriously, male cheerleaders get college scholarships, so don't rule it out). I don't care if you are both golfers (seriously, female golfers get lots of college scholarships, so don't rule it out). I do care that you both know that if you work hard enough, you can be anything you want. I never realized how tricky this message can be, until Maggie Moo came along. All I can hope for is that you hear it though, because as the end of the song "Growing Up" says:

Take risks, cause life moves so fast

You're only young once, my love, this is your chance

Thanks for reading.

Love,

Dad