The Fine Science of Handshakes
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| A Double-High Five as we celebrate the Rams 1st win this year!! |
You have already become a master of embracing people. Your hugs are the best, and high fives are awesome! When done correctly, an embrace can get somebody to feel more comfortable. When done incorrectly, you can make someone think you are a huge weirdo who: likes to hug strangers, holds handshakes too long, or even does those butt slaps that can ruin a celebration. You have started out so good at embracing people, so here are some basics to help you keep it going:
First and foremost, you need a standard, right-handed shake. No jacking around, no pulling someone in too close, no looking away, and no floppy wrists or un-firm hands. Use grip with just enough force to outdo the person you are shaking with, but be careful not to turn it into an arm wrestling contest. Examples are: using the standard shake with anyone I meet at work, and I am already doing hand exercises, so I can use this to basically break the hand of anyone who dates my daughter.
The Half and Half
This technique begins with the right hand, but then comes the twist, you add in a part hug with your left hand (half shake, half hug). This is used for someone you are not forced to hug just because they are family, but you have decided "Hey, let's be friends". This is a nice technique, because it is widely known and acceptable, as long as you have cleared it before hand.
Disclaimer: Do not rub the back, or hold the hug too long, or else you will make people think you want to have them as some kind of strange pet.
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| Marshall has had the Pound down since his early days |
The Pound (AKA Knucks)
You simply make a fist and bump it into someone's else fist. You are already figuring out how to do this. This is cooler and more hip than the Professional, plus it is very nice from a hygienic standpoint, as you don't have to get too close or touch other people. The only real concern with this technique is that you have to be sure everyone is on board, or else one of you can get caught getting punched in the hand or stomach when you come in too close. Use this on friends, or people you don't want to smell.
Note: If you notice a bunch of people doing this to you, start showering more.
The Mr. Cool
You need to consult some of my cooler friends in order to figure out how this works. Every time I approach my good buddy Darius, I never know if we are snapping our fingers, pounding, shaking, or hugging. He does some sort of quick slap, hand pull, finger snap, back pat thing that I can't figure out. I am not on the mail list where the rules are laid out for updates to this technique. I just default to a hug, or shake, and walk away feeling like a loser. I hope you two can figure this out and fill me in.
This is the most time-tested technique, and is universally recognized. You simply slap hands with someone, and watch enthusiasm levels increase. Marshall has already mastered this technique, and the laughs that come with his high fives turn me into a high-fiving-laughter-fueled machine. If you walk past someone and get your hand up so they know you are calling for a high five, odds are you will both say something loudly and add a little pep in your step. This is also great at sporting events, as total strangers love to celebrate.
Concerns: The only concerns with this technique are assholes who slap hands too hard.
Bonus: For double points, use the 2 handed high five!
As the great Chris Farley said, in the American Classic Film Tommy Boy, "Brother's don't shake hands, brother's gotta hug". Hug family and friends you consider family as often as you can. I will hug you both every day and anytime we go separate ways. Your Mom and your hugs are the reminders I take everyday to remember how lucky I am. And, as you both are quickly learning, I am a hugger (and can be a bear-hugger if you aren't careful). Don't use this technique on people you don't know that well, because then it's really weird, or leaves you vulnerable to pick-pocketers.
Note: Pick a side to put your head towards. Don't be like your Uncle Seth and come in head straight, or else a hug can quickly turn into a kiss.
This is a lot of information, so feel free to re-read and do your own research as well. Remember, the setting and people are everything. For example: whenever you play sports, it is acceptable to slap someone on the butt after a big play, but if you do this to your boss, you may get fired or sued. Know your audience and the message you want to send, and when in doubt:
1. High five when playing
2. Hand shake when being professional
3. Always hug family. I won't ever let you forget this one.
Thanks again for reading,
Love,
Dad
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