4 Reasons Parents Fall off the Face of the Earth

Dear M & M,

As I write this letter, I am still somewhat in shock over how much my life has changed since you two came crashing into it like a couple of little Cool-Aids. I've heard a lot of different descriptions for this, some parents call it being a parent, some parents call it making a sacrifice, and some parents call it the toughest job in the world. And then there is your parents, who write about it in a goofy blog/letters to you.

When you have kids your friends and family may be tempted to call the authorities and report you as a missing person. Because when you two came along I pretty much fell off the face of the earth in everyone else's eyes. Here are the reasons why that happened:

1. Packing up and leaving the house has become a major activity. A couple years ago if I wanted to leave the house, here was my procedure: make sure shirt isn't too dirty or wrinkled, make sure I have pants on, grab wallet, put on shoes, leave house. Total time: 20 seconds.

Here is my procedure now: make sure bag is packed, including at least two extra outfits for each kid, plenty of diapers, plenty of wipes, plenty of cream so your little butts don't get chapped, snacks, drinks, and just to be safe, more snacks. Once the bag is packed, we need to make sure we have plenty of toys, and then based on the weather, we have to make sure that you guys have enough layers on. Then we finally get to spend however long it takes strapping you down in your car seats and double checking to make sure that you escape artists won't pop up and be looking at me in the rearview mayor (for the record, that has only happened one time).

The overall time to leave with you two also depends on if one of you wants to pull the classic:"Oh we're leaving? Perfect because I just pooped my pants". **Disclaimer: your mom does most of the work getting you two ready, but I'm just making a point about how long it takes. Total time 20-30 minutes.

2. Sleep is such a precious resource. Looking back now at my younger years if there's one thing that I took for granted, it was sleep. If I wanted to stay up late then I could just sleep in, and if worse comes to worse I can always just take a nap right in middle of the day. I didn't usually need naps, and it was OK because as long as I got 7 to 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep I can always catch up for past days I've missed. But uninterrupted sleep has become about as common as leftovers at our house.

Just this past weekend I found myself saying to your mom "It's 8:30 on a Friday and I don't see how I could possibly make it to 9:30." This is what our life has come to, because there is no more staying up and doing whatever I want all night, and then sleeping in. I now know that each minute that I stay awake while you sleep, is just another minute closer to you waking up. So just part of your strict rule over our house now includes you running the sleep schedule, 'round these parts. I fought it for as long as I could, but now I know I have to sleep, and I have to get to sleep at a reasonable time.

3. Playing with you guys wears me out. I would've hoped after being a parent for nearly a year and a half that I would finally be in good enough shape to keep up with you guys. However, play time with you is like a soccer match, which means that I just run up and down the house, the yard, or wherever we are, for the entire duration of the playtime. Sure, I could try to take breaks. I sit down, and let you do your own thing, but if I let you get too big of a lead on me, then bad things happen, cell phones get thrown away, lids get taken off cups dumped over, and dirty diapers get pulled out of the trash and get spread to places I would rather not admit to your Mom in writing. Getting rid of that smell is like trying to get rid of a moped after you bought it, nearly impossible.

 

Don't get me wrong, I love getting on the floor playing with you guys, but it pretty much always ends with me laying flat on the floor and Marshall beating on my chest like he's trying to give me CPR so I can play some more, but I just lay there and exhausted, and more than likely defeated, at whatever game we were playing. It's awesome every time and I love playing with you guys, but sessions like these leave very little opportunity to have time with someone else. 

4. As any cheesy song about being a parent will lead you to believe, it really is true that time flies by it won't be the same for long. Most nights after work after I typically get three, maybe four hours max, with you guys. While there are a lot of other things I would like to get accomplished in the evenings, and sometimes I have to, I can already tell I'm only going to have so long with you through each phase of your lives. My favorite thing to watch is you two growing up, so getting home to do it is my mission every night like I'm some sort of covert operative on a mission who cannot be stopped. It is the coolest place I have ever been, here in hiding, being with you guys every day

Not to mention, after you two finally go down, my remaining time spent awake, prior to passing out on any piece of furniture in the house, is spent trying to be a husband to your Mom. This is a big challenge as well, so try to give us some space. I could not get through this without your Mom, and it is impossible for me to show her how much I appreciate it. There is noone I would rather fall off of the face of the Earth with. Maybe I should start writing her letters next?

Thanks for reading, I love you guys.

-Dad