My Kids Say the Darndest Things
Dear M&M,
As you continue to grow and learn new things, it has become one of the greatest joys of my life to discover what you will do next. You drive power wheels, hit baseballs, ride bikes, read books, eat broccoli (?), pay attention to sports on TV (sometimes), and learn new words every day. While you do learn many phrases that absolutely melt my heart, you also rattle some off that I hear in my head hours later, and still can't stop laughing. While it is somewhat easy to figure out where many of these words and phrases come from (sorry), some of them are so obscure, we may never know it's origin.
1. "My clothes are upstairs Dad, in a drawer. Go get them" - Marshall's response after coming downstairs completely naked, except for socks. I don't know why you were naked, or why you didn't grab the clothes yourself before you came downstairs.
2. "Spank sissy, please" - Marshall's polite request, when Maggie is getting on his nerves. Of the 20 times you have asked for this, Maggie has actually deserved a spanking maybe 1 time. Usually, she either stole Marshall's food, hit him in the head, threw something that hit him in the head, or wrecked whatever he was working on.
*Note: If this request is not responded to within 5 seconds, Marshall will take matters into his own hands, which usually ends in both kids crying
3. "Come on Deej! Are you coming Deej?!" - Maggie's loving request to follow her wherever it is I need to go at this moment. This is usually accompanied by her pulling one of my fingers, and will escalate to screams in no time if I don't respond.
4. "Come 'ere. Come 'ere. Follow me" - Marshall's request to come wherever he is, which is also followed by his arm held straight in front of his chest and a hand motion where you wave me to follow you wherever it is I need to go.
5. "Stop wiping my face Dad, my friends are here" - Marshall. You had medicine all over the side of your face, and I was wiping it off, in the truck, with no one around. Somehow, I already embarrass a 3 year old.
6. "Bless you........You're welcome" - Maggie. I have never seen the level of determination that Maggie displays when someone sneezes within ear shot. You will hunt down whoever the culprit is, and repeatedly say "Bless you", until they say "Thank you", to which you will then say "You're welcome". I love the politeness, and also the insistence on being so polite.
7. "Wanna hold you" - Marshall and Maggie sneaky way of asking to be held. It is so sweet the way you say it, but usually just means you want something out of the refrigerator that you can't reach.
8. "Are you gonna help Deej?" - Marshall and Maggie's special way of sarcastically asking what is taking so long to help you. Usually means you have waited long enough, and will soon quit if I don't hurry up.
9. "Why sissy do that?" - Marshall's way of saying Maggie has destroyed something in the house.
10. "I gonna beat your ass" - Marshall's favorite expression to repeat several times quickly, and then bust up laughing, usually while running away.
11. "What the f***/what the hell?" - I wish neither one of you ever said this, but I have heard it at least once, usually followed by "Deej".
12. "I miss you" - Maggie's favorite expression for some reason. You say it almost every day, right behind "I love you". I literally see you every day, but I still appreciate the sentiment.
You kids are our children, and nothing says that quite like the way you speak. You are very loving, very loud, very too the point, and always interested in a good laugh. I could write a letter like this every day, because you are always coming up with new phrases. Before you go getting all excited, yes, we do discipline you when you use curse words (while hiding laughs). Also, in case you haven't noticed, you usually call me Deej. Hopefully one day you settle back on Dad, but for now, I will just keep loving, laughing, and listening.
Thanks for reading,
Love,
Dad
As you continue to grow and learn new things, it has become one of the greatest joys of my life to discover what you will do next. You drive power wheels, hit baseballs, ride bikes, read books, eat broccoli (?), pay attention to sports on TV (sometimes), and learn new words every day. While you do learn many phrases that absolutely melt my heart, you also rattle some off that I hear in my head hours later, and still can't stop laughing. While it is somewhat easy to figure out where many of these words and phrases come from (sorry), some of them are so obscure, we may never know it's origin.
2. "Spank sissy, please" - Marshall's polite request, when Maggie is getting on his nerves. Of the 20 times you have asked for this, Maggie has actually deserved a spanking maybe 1 time. Usually, she either stole Marshall's food, hit him in the head, threw something that hit him in the head, or wrecked whatever he was working on.
*Note: If this request is not responded to within 5 seconds, Marshall will take matters into his own hands, which usually ends in both kids crying
3. "Come on Deej! Are you coming Deej?!" - Maggie's loving request to follow her wherever it is I need to go at this moment. This is usually accompanied by her pulling one of my fingers, and will escalate to screams in no time if I don't respond.
4. "Come 'ere. Come 'ere. Follow me" - Marshall's request to come wherever he is, which is also followed by his arm held straight in front of his chest and a hand motion where you wave me to follow you wherever it is I need to go.
5. "Stop wiping my face Dad, my friends are here" - Marshall. You had medicine all over the side of your face, and I was wiping it off, in the truck, with no one around. Somehow, I already embarrass a 3 year old.
6. "Bless you........You're welcome" - Maggie. I have never seen the level of determination that Maggie displays when someone sneezes within ear shot. You will hunt down whoever the culprit is, and repeatedly say "Bless you", until they say "Thank you", to which you will then say "You're welcome". I love the politeness, and also the insistence on being so polite.
7. "Wanna hold you" - Marshall and Maggie sneaky way of asking to be held. It is so sweet the way you say it, but usually just means you want something out of the refrigerator that you can't reach.
8. "Are you gonna help Deej?" - Marshall and Maggie's special way of sarcastically asking what is taking so long to help you. Usually means you have waited long enough, and will soon quit if I don't hurry up.
9. "Why sissy do that?" - Marshall's way of saying Maggie has destroyed something in the house.
11. "What the f***/what the hell?" - I wish neither one of you ever said this, but I have heard it at least once, usually followed by "Deej".
12. "I miss you" - Maggie's favorite expression for some reason. You say it almost every day, right behind "I love you". I literally see you every day, but I still appreciate the sentiment.
You kids are our children, and nothing says that quite like the way you speak. You are very loving, very loud, very too the point, and always interested in a good laugh. I could write a letter like this every day, because you are always coming up with new phrases. Before you go getting all excited, yes, we do discipline you when you use curse words (while hiding laughs). Also, in case you haven't noticed, you usually call me Deej. Hopefully one day you settle back on Dad, but for now, I will just keep loving, laughing, and listening.
Thanks for reading,
Love,
Dad
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