Life Tips: 4 Questions to Always Avoid

Dear Marshall and Maggie,

It is my hope that you both grow up to be polite and respectful; to get along well with others. There is a lot for you to learn to accomplish this, and one part includes mastering the art of small talk. Some safe topics include the weather or weekend plans. However, there are 4 questions that you should always avoid from my personal experience and here is why:

1. When are you two getting married?

 Your daddy and I were 21 and 22, respectively, when we got married so there is really no reason why we should have been asked this question. That is a relatively young age to get married, and while it worked out magically for us, studies show that the younger you are when you get married, the higher the change that your marriage will end in divorce.  People only asked us because we had dated for five years, and that seems like a long time to be with someone without getting hitched. It's not that long, however,  when you take into account that we started dating before your daddy could legally vote or buy a lottery ticket!

2. To the young couple planning to spend the rest of their life together: "How many kids will you have?"

As your dad's Aunt Shalee likes to point out, there was a time that I said I wanted six kids. At the time, I was young and naive and had grown up in a family of six kids. It was loud, it was rowdy, there was never a dull moment, and it was all I had ever known. But that is before I had kids of my own. While we are loving every minute of it, we certainly have our hands full! I even asked your dad the other day, "Are we going to survive this? " Being a parent to me involves a lot of energy, money, and love. While we may have an unlimited amount of love to give, we there are limited supplies of the other two categories. There is physically taking care of you between the baths and the diaper changes and late night feeding. Then you have the worrying, "Is Marshall saying enough words for his age? Should Maggie be crawling ?" We are also in a constant balancing act of spending the right amount of time at work and responsibilities at home and playtime. Soon enough you both will be involved in extra-curricular  activities and school. Right now I can honestly say we are perfectly happy with the two of you, but don't ask me, because I may change my mind in another five or six years.

3. When are you having a baby? A second baby? Etc.. 

Your daddy and I were married four years before having a baby, so we fielded this question a lot. Experiencing pregnancy and a delivering a healthy baby are two incredible miracles. Unfortunately, they are not guaranteed. I feel so lucky that I was able to carry and deliver two beautiful and healthy babies. Maybe a couple that have been married for a long time may have been trying to have a baby for a long time, and don't really want to talk about the fact that it hasn't happened.  Mommy was pregnant two times before I got pregnant with Marshall, and it's such an emotional roller coaster. The elation of knowing we have created a life and then the devastating blow that it wasn't meant to be is overwhelming and not something I wanted to share with everyone.

4. What are you going to name the baby?

This question can sometimes be an exception, but only if you are prepared to say that you absolutely love the name, whatever it may be. it. Parents put a lot of thought into a name for their baby, and if they have something picked out, it is because they think really highly of that moniker. Don't be the person to rain on their parade, and offer criticism that will only hurt their feelings. They were the only two involved in the making of the baby, and they should be the only ones involved in naming the baby.

The point of all of this is that there are certain expectations about the way certain life events are expected to unfold. However, all of these events are deeply personal and everyone has their own feelings and beliefs regarding the situation. There is no reason to  overstep boundaries and add unwarranted pressure to others' relationships. Just keep it light.

Love,

Mommy